The Relinquishment Conspiracy
by Hermy Puckle
Summary: Penny's decided to throw in the towel. Sheldon disagrees. If you squint there's hints of Shenny.
1. Chapter 1

_**Disclaimer:** Blah blah blah, not mine. _

_**Disclaimer 2:** Unbeta'd so all mistakes are mine. Anyone interested in beta'ing let me know._

 **AUTHOR'S NOTE:** I'm back! It has been some years but I have returned, as I always knew I would. Anyway, I've actually got a few projects in the works. However, this cute little story kind of popped up out of nowhere and I figured I'd get it down real quick. To all my lovely followers who probably forgot I existed until now: Thanks for sticking with me! Seriously, you don't realize how much your support matters to me. To new readers: WELCOME! I look forward to your input.

This story is currently just a one-shot, but I'm toying with an idea of a possible sequel. No promises yet.

 **Spoilers:** Post season 3 somewhere. Aside from mentions of Bernadette and Amy, this story could really be dropped in anywhere.

Rating is for the few bits of profanity.

* * *

 **The Relinquishment Conspiracy**

 _Knock. Knock. Knock_.

'Penny.'

Penny looked up like a rabbit caught nibbling on someone's garden.

 _Knock. Knock. Knock._

'Penny.'

 _Crap!_ She scrambled to her feet and hoisted the half-full box onto her hip. She threw it onto her bed and pulled her bedroom door shut.

 _Knock. Knock. Knock._

'Penny.'

Something sharp bit into her toe when she stepped. She'd left her box tape dispenser on the floor. In one swift move she kicked it under the couch and cast a quick glance around to make sure no other incriminating evidence was left out. Momentarily satisfied, she tried to school her features into a casual expression. She knew Sheldon wouldn't be able to see through any cracks in her facade, thankfully, so she didn't have to work too hard. 'It's open!'

'Penny, it is unsafe to leave your door unlocked.' The voice preceeded the man. He stepped through and shut the door behind him, careful to lock it. 'And-' he turned around and froze.

 _Be calm, be calm, be calm!_ 'Sweetie?'

His eye twitched. 'Penny,' he started, slowly. His blue eyes were flying wildly around the room, taking in every detail with the same scrutiny he gave math equations. 'Why is your living room so . . .'

 _Well, of course he'd notice!_ How could she not have expected Captain OCD to immediately notice when her things weren't where they usually were? _OK, time to call upon what I learned in those improv classes!_ 'Clean? I've been cleaning.'

His eyes shot to her's and she gulped. Great googly moogly it was like he could see right through her. 'I was not going to say "clean", Penny. Though I do admit the lack of clutter does give your apartment a clean look.' He slowly started to walk, hands behind his back, studying the room as he took a promenade. 'I was going to say your living room looks rather _baren_.'

'Oh, uh...' Penny fished for a good excuse. 'I, uh, decided to get rid of some things. Stuff I didn't need, you know. Spring cleaning.'

He brushed one finger down her lamp shade and studied his finger tip. 'It isn't spring.'

She rolled her eyes. 'It's just an expression, Sheldon. Anyway, I sold some old stuff to get some extra cash.'

He was now in her kitchen and he folded his arms over his chest. 'I frequent Craigslist postings and haven't seen any of your items on there.'

'I didn't sell them on Craigslist. I . . .' she didn't know any other sites to sell like that, except ebay. And she wouldn't have been surprised if he didn't check that site regularly, too. 'Just sold it to people I know. At work and stuff.' She desperately tried to get a read on him. Did he know? He couldn't know. And what was he _doing_? Time to deflect. 'Anyway, what did you want?'

Sheldon pulled open two of her cabinets. She cringed. 'These are empty,' he said, his back to her.

'Way to state the obvious, Moonpie,' she quipped. It felt like something he'd say if she had done the same thing. Except the Moonpie bit.

She expected him to scold her for using the nickname. That he didn't only made her nervous. He wordlessly crouched down, disappearing behind the island. Almost at once he stood right back up and spun to face her. 'Penny, your entire kitchen is empty.'

'Yeah, I'm poor. Why do you think I keep stealing your food?' It was a faint hope that he'd take the obvious lure to dig into her about stealing their milk when she ran out.

His eyes shot to her bedroom door and back at her. Purely on instinct she put herself in his line of site. Big mistake, she realized immediately. He flitted his eyes to her and back to the door. She'd given herself away. Now he knew her bedroom was key. And once he was onto something, he wasn't going to give up.

They moved at once: Sheldon to go into her bedroom and Penny to block him from it. 'No!' Penny shouted as Sheldon's longer stride outpaced hers and he reached her door. 'Sheldon, don't-!'

He swung the door open and took in the scene before him. In stacks all over her room were boxes upon boxes, most taped shut with the contents within written on the side in Sharpie. Sheldon spun to face her, his eyes dangerous and accusing. 'Penny...' his voice had taken on a menacing calm.

'It's not what you think!' she tried, and had to cringe at how cliche it sounded.

'You're moving?'

'or maybe it _is_ what you think,' she grumbled. She took a breath. Well, cat's out of the box, now. 'OK, fine. You're right. I'm moving. And I didn't want to tell you earlier because I know how you don't like change and I didn't want to stress you out!'

His expression relaxed and he quietly considered this. 'While I appreciate your concern, you needn't have bothered.'

'Really?'

'You moving out was, I suppose, an inevitable event. It will take some adjustment, true, but it shouldn't be too taxing. You may not live in such close proximity but I see no reason why it should upset my schedule too much. You'll still come over on Halo night, and Pizza night.'

She'd been hopeful at his reaction, but his naive follow-up brought her crashing back to reality. 'Sweetie . . .' She reached out to . . . what? She didn't know. Her hand fell back to her side. 'I'm not going to be moving to another part of Pasadena. I'm going back to Nebraska.'

As if she had slapped him, Sheldon visibly flinched.

'Look, I didn't want to tell you ahead of time because I know how you are! You like things to stay the way they are and that's OK! But I thought if I waited until the last minute to say goodbye, it would be like a bandaid being ripped off, you know?' She was talking fast, hands up like he was a spooked horse. She could see the panic start to set in, his face all twitchy. She wanted to keep going but wasn't sure how to phrase it.

If she was honest with herself, she'd been putting it off for another reason: she hated that she had to leave. And she hated that her last time with them would be clouded by that fact. She couldn't just enjoy their company while she could. Bernadette and Amy were the first people she told. She made them both swear not to tell the guys. Amy kept her promise but Bernadette told Howard. Penny kind of suspected she would. They'd all agreed Sheldon was not to know, and Howard didn't let it go further. Penny then told Leonard who agreed, and told Raj. Ever since then, they'd all been acting like Penny was dying of some horrible disease, not moving a few states away. It was either all they ever talked about anymore or avoid the topic as if it were some taboo shameful thing. It was worse when Sheldon would mention future plans. He, of course, hadn't noticed the awkward pauses.

The bandaid part was for her sake as much as his. She actually regretted telling the others and wished she had been able to pretend everything was hunky-dory until the last minute. It would've been a cold thing to do, and that was precisely why she did it to Sheldon. With Sheldon, though, he wouldn't see it as some heartless action, not telling him. Though now, looking into his face, she saw she had made the wrong decision. He was staring at her as if she had violently slashed his mother's throat in front of him.

Desperately, she tried appealing to his logic. 'I've just, I've been here for years with only a handful of acting gigs. I can barely afford to live here even working double shifts at the Cheesecake Factory. Then they fired me! I tried looking for other jobs but nobody's hiring or if they are, they require some sort of degree.' She was begging him, at this point, trying to make him understand. 'I just . . . I love you guys and everything but I can't stay here. I've failed, just like my parents said I would. It's time for me to grow up and accept-'

' _No._ ' He cut her off with one stern symbol. He took a deep breath, as if calming himself, and met her eyes. 'Unacceptable.'

She sighed. She was afraid this would happen. She closed her eyes to compose herself, to try again. When she opened them again, he was gone. 'Sheldon?'

He came out of her bedroom holding a large box labled 'kitchen'. Without a word he set it on her counter and began putting the pots and pans back into the cupboards.

Penny ran over and grabbed his wrist to stop him. He froze, and his eyes whipped to hers. 'You are not moving,' he said coldly and jerked his arm free.

She darted around the island and put herself between him and the cupboard. 'Sheldon, _yes I am_.'

He put one hand on her arm and gently pushed her aside. 'Penny,' he said, matching her tone. ' _No you are not.'_

She groaned. This could go on forever, them going 'yes' and 'no' back and forth like children. Once again, she tried using logic. 'Sweetie-' he turned his back to her to grab another plate. '-I have to move! The landlord already put this apartment back on the market!'

It wasn't true _technically._ When she had went to him to talk about severing her lease early, she'd hoped to talk the fine down somehow. She'd even gone online and looked at renter's rights laws and how other people managed to do it. He'd been a little bit _too_ happy to dismiss the fine, even though she had only managed to tell him she had to leave and hadn't even begun to haggle. She'd supposed she wasn't his favorite tenant; she'd had to call him on more than one occasion to tell him her rent would be a little late, or she could only pay a little now and the rest later. Or her checks would bounce.

He'd given her thirty days, as was standard even though she was going to be out before then. He'd suggested she could leave at her usual time and have her 'friends across the hall' mail her whatever she couldn't fit in her car. It wasn't a bad idea, but she had a feeling he was just worried she'd change her mind. He even added that he wouldn't do any showings until she was all moved out.

Her little white lie worked on Sheldon, however. He froze at her words before slowly turning around to face her, one of her plates held out like a shield. 'Ah, I see.' And then he gently replaced the plate back into the box. 'You are correct, Penny. It appears you must move.' He grabbed the pots he'd put in the cupboard and put them in the box, too.

Penny let out a sigh. Finally, she'd gotten through.

He folded the top flaps of the box to close it. 'If you would like, I will help you move.' He carried the box out of the kitchen.

'Really?' she was close on his heels.

He turned to face her. 'I admit I am somewhat lacking in upper body strength.' A small, proud smile touched his lips. 'However, I do excell at organization.'

 _Wow,_ she thought, a little breathless. _He's taking this way better than I thought._ She thought he was actually coping much better than the others were. He was taking it in stride, viewing it pragmatically. 'Oh, sweetie, that would be great-what are you doing?'

Instead of taking the box back to her bedroom like she expected, he kept walking toward her front door. He shifted the box to his hip and gave her a quizzical look. 'Helping you,' he said slowly, and used his free hand to open her door.

She fought to roll her eyes. 'OK where are you taking th-' His long legs had quickly outstripped her own, and he was already across the hall opening his front door. She sprinted after him.

He stopped rather suddenly a few feet in the door and she nearly crashed into him. Raj, Howard, and Leonard were all in front of the TV, controllers in hand. Penny thought if her life was a movie, this is where the record scratch sound effect would be. As it was, the sounds of guns going off halted immediately.

'Leonard,' Sheldon announced. 'As is mandatory per our Roommate Agreement, I am hereby giving you notice that I will be having a guest.' He turned to Penny with an apologetic smile. 'I'm afraid you will have to sleep in your own apartment for tonight. Section 14B "the guest clause" specifies I give Leonard at least 12 hours notice. You are free to come over any time after . . .' he checked his watch. '. . . 8:14 AM.'

Leonard's eyes found Penny's, as if to confirm he'd heard correctly.

'Oh, no honey that's not necessary.' Penny assured him, once she understood the misunderstanding. 'I still have a few weeks left. The landlord isn't kicking me out onto the street _tonight.'_

 _'_ My apologies; it seems I was unclear. The 12 hour time frame is simply the minimum amount of notice I am to give.' He gave her a smile that seemed, to her, to be half pitying. 'In any event, I am aware you will not be up before 11AM and therefore won't be moving in before that time. You may move in any time after that. There is no maximum time in the clause. You take as long as you want.'

Once again Penny shook her head, this time to clear through that gobbledy-gook. 'Sweetie, I really appreciate the offer but I can stay in my apartment up until the time I move.'

'I know.' Now he'd taken on the deliberate anunciating he used for teaching. 'And after you move out of there you are . . .' He eyed her meaningfully, like he was quizzing her on something she should know.

'Going to Nebraska?' Penny finished.

Sheldon scoffed irritably and shoved the box onto Raj's lap. ' _No,_ Penny, we've been over this. You are _not_ going to Nebraska!'

'Penny...' Leonard had come to stand beside him. Though he addressed Penny, he was eyeing Sheldon as if Sheldon was an experiment. 'I think Sheldon is offering to let you stay with us.'

'See?' Sheldon sighed. 'Even _he_ understands.' Everyone unspokenly agreed to ignore that little bit of insult.

'Um?' came Raj from behind the box. Howard helped get it off him.

Penny wanted to cry. 'Sheldon, I can't mooch off of you!'

'Of course you can,' he replied quickly. 'You frequently use our wifi, steal our food, and when we get takeout you-'

' _Alright,'_ She snapped. 'I get it. I mean, I'm not going to let you take care of me like I'm some bum.'

If Sheldon never got his Nobel, Penny thought he'd at least have the Guiness World Record for biggest eye roll. 'Oh, you're being dramatic. It's only temporary until you get your paycheck.'

For someone so smart Sheldon could be so incredibly dumb sometimes. 'There is no paycheck!' she practically screamed. 'I don't have a job, remember!'

'Yes you do-oh drat!' He actually snapped his fingers. He spun on his heel and went to his desk, ignoring Raj's affronted 'dude!'. When Sheldon returned to Penny's side, he had his phone to his ear.

'Shel-'

He held up a finger, shushing her. 'Yes, Dr. Gablehauser, this is Sheldon Cooper. Hello.' He listened for a second. 'Now that pleasantries are done with. I am calling to follow up on Penny.'

Her ears perked up at that. She recognized the name as someone the guys worked with. Why were they talking about her.

'Yes, she's right here.' Sheldon held the phone out to her. 'It's for you,' he said when she didn't immediately take it.

Hesitantly, she brought it to her ear. 'Um, hello?'

'Good evening,' came a not unpleasant sounding deep voice from the other end. Even to her, he sounded distracted. 'How are you doing Miss . . . how do you pronounce your name?'

'Just call me Penny,' she said reflexively. She hated her last name. Nobody ever spelled it right or knew how to pronounce it. She'd long ago gotten sick of trying to teach people. 'I'm good, sir. How are you?'

She heard papers shuffling. 'I'm a little tired to be honest, Penny, but other than that, rather well.'

It caught her off guard. 'Oh, um I can let you get to sleep if you want?' She didn't even know why she was talking to this man, and didn't want to impose.

Dr. Gablehauser sighed. 'No, he'd just call me back. Let's get this overwith, shall we? Is $30,000 acceptable?'

Her hackles immediately rose. She had answered way too many ads for 'actresses' only to find out they were just for porn. 'For what?' her voice was a little sharper than she meant it. Really it was aimed more at Sheldon.

There was a pause on the other end. 'He hasn't told you anything, has he?'

'No.' She glowered at Sheldon. So help her if he had tried to _pimp_ her out, he was going to find out just how well she did at Junior Rodeo. Into the phone she asked, 'And why do you know my name?'

When Dr. Gablehauser spoke again, his voice was louder and clearer, like he was holding the phone properly and giving her his full attention. 'Dr. Cooper gave me your resume.'

She opened her mouth to say she didn't write a resume, but snapped her jaw shut. She almost asked Sheldon how the hell he knew enough about her to write her resume without her input. But then probably Sheldon would just remind her of his IQ and say of course he could have found that out.

Dr. Gablehauser went on. 'I'll be quick Miss Penny. Our media liason position is not unlike the Defense Against the Dark Arts position at Hogwarts. Instead of a curse that causes a high turnover rate, however, it is the esteemed Dr. Cooper. He sent our last one home in tears.

'The duties of your position include keeping the school's image positive in the media, relaying any information so that a layperson can understand it, and, most importantly, insuring a steady flow of funds from our esteemed supporters.'

What the hell did Sheldon put on her resume? 'Look, I don't know what Sheldon told you but I don't have any experience doing that sort of thing.'

More paper shuffling sounds from the other end. 'Dr. Cooper tells me you are an actress,' he argued.

'Yes, but.'

'Listen, Penny, when we met' - _we met?_ she wondered _\- '_ I could tell you were normal. You are personable and that with your acting credits, limited though they may be, you're already doing better than our last two temps.' He was talking fast and sharp now and Penny got the distinct feeling he was confiding in her. 'To be honest with you, the fact that you can put up with Dr. Cooper and somehow get him to actually _listen_ to you puts you very high in my book. You're normal, you know media, and you might be the only person who, with those qualities, won't break under the egos of scientists. Is $35,000 a year more acceptable?'

She was speechless for a second. 'Wait, you're giving me a job without even interviewing me? Just like that?'

'Just like that,' he confirmed. 'The position comes with full medical and dental benefits, along with your own office and parking space. After the probationary period of a year you will be eligable for a raise. Do we have a deal?'

'Um, ok. Sure?'

'Fantastic!' He sounded genuinely happy. 'I will send your file through, then. There are a few things to get out of the way: background check, drug test, forms to fill out. I will have my secretary call you Monday morning to get everything set up-Ah. Dr. Cooper put here that you are not to be disturbed before 11AM. I will make a note of that. I look forward to working with you Miss Penny.'

'You too.'

The line went dead. She stared down at the phone. 'What the heck just happened?' When she looked up, the others had come to stand around them.

'Wow,' breathed Howard with a grin. 'Sheldon, when you asked me to remotely hack into her computer, I thought you were just looking for naked pics!' He darted behind Raj at her glare and held his hands up in surrender.

Leonard was looking back and forth between them. Finally, he faced his roommate. 'You wanna catch us up, Sheldon?'

Sheldon bore a huge smile. 'After that woman overreacted to a few suggestions I gave her, Dr. Gablehauser came to reprimand me. I don't know why he insists on doing it each time. I merely pointed out that if she could not handle scientists, then she was in the wrong profession. I mentioned that Penny, a mere waitress, had no difficulty navigating the complex personalities with persons of high IQs or even Howard.' -Here, Howard rulled his eyes.- 'He asked if Penny had any experience and I told him she was an actress. He said he wanted her resume. I sent it to him and he told me she had the job if she wanted it.' He shrugged as if it were the simplist thing in the world. Maybe to him, it was.

'So,' Leonard clarified. 'you went behind her back and just accepted the job for her?'

'Leonard,' Sheldon sneered and shot Penny a look that said, _Can you believe this idiot?_ 'The position benefits her in many ways. Her income will be twice what she could hope to make at the Cheesecake Factory, which will ease or eliminate her financial burdens. As a media liason, she will be in contact with people who could help further her career. Despite my disregard for the general concept of socializing, I cannot discount the importance of the right connections. Plus, she already knows a good portion of the staff at CalTech and will be better suited to connet us to the layperson.'

Leonard didn't buy it. 'That and you don't have to deal with a strangers,' drawled Leonard.

Sheldon spread his hands. 'Everybody wins.'

Penny just stared at him. She wasn't even sure what to think first. That she'd accepted the job without even thinking? That Sheldon was right, though he overestimated how much she had made at the Cheesecake Factory? But he was absolutely right about her needing to know somebody in the industry in order to succeed and this sounded like just the job to do it. Sheldon had found her the absolute perfect job, one she had not and would never have considered on her own.

When she'd lost her job, she'd had a nice big glass of wine and thought long and hard about her life. Ironically, she had taken what she felt was a very Sheldony view of her life. Her only career prospect had dried up. She hadn't had any new roles for over a month. She'd decided to grow up and swallow the bitter pill: she had failed. It was _logical_ that she move to where she had a support system who could probably find her a decent job, and a lower cost of living. Growing up, she thought, meant giving up.

Penny knew Sheldon was smart, without a doubt. However, when he behaved like a child or showed glaring naivete in common sense things, she was able to forget just how much smarter he was than her. After all, there were lots of things she knew that he didn't. Sometimes, however, he would surprise her and reveal she didn't know as much as she thought. She thought he'd have praised her for making the right decision, or at least admitted it was the right decision. He'd thought the complete opposite. If this had come out after she'd said she was going to move, she would have thought a large part of his disagreeing with her had to do with him selfishly not wanting her to move. Except he'd done all of this before he'd even known about that. He had just been trying to help a friend.

With a slight shock, another realization hit her. Despite how little he thought of her waitressing or whatever he thought about her lack of college degree, he had never once suggested she would not succeed in acting. He never told her to get a 'fall back' job like her mom, or reminded her how hard it was to make it in Hollywood like her dad. He didn't even try to imply her acting classes were a waste of money like Leonard had. She'd taken Sheldon's lack of input on this particular pursuit for granted. In fact, she'd seen it as a lack of encouragement. With everyone else, if they weren't encouraging her acting career, they were discouraging it. She'd apparently just assumed he'd thought the same as all the others. If what he'd just done for her told her anything, it told her she had been dead wrong about that. The reason he had never encouraged her was because he hadn't felt he had to. He had just taken her at her word and trusted she would succeed as she wanted. She wasn't sure if she should thank him for not giving up on her, cheer that maybe she wasn't deluded in her dream, hug him for being so, so sweet, or _what_.

And, as whenever she was overcome with too many different emotions, the waterworks came. Sobbing, she sat down hard on the nearest piece of furniture: Leonard's computer chair.

Sheldon immediately lept into action. 'Oh, lord I've caused you distress. I shall make you a hot beverage.' He was back pressing a warm mug into her hands before her vision had cleared of tears.

She sniffed. 'Sheldon, sweetie, I don't know what to say!'

'What a silly thing over which to be stressed. You are not required to say anything.' It was half a lecture, half reassurance.

She took a loud sip from her mug, if just to give her time to think. It burnt but not so much that she couldn't taste the cocoa. She looked up at him with watery eyes. 'I can't thank you enough.'

He smiled down at her. 'You don't need to. I'm still indebted to you for Leonard Nimoy's DNA, after all.'

She set down her mug and hugged him right around the middle. He stiffed beneath her, but she felt some awkward pats on her shoulder. 'Oh, I think we're even,' she mumbled into his chest.

'Wow, Sheldon!' Leonard was smiling impressedly up at Sheldon. He smiled at Penny. 'Now you don't need to go back to Nebraska!'

She beamed. She had forgotten all about that. Then her face fell as she remembered what that meant. 'Oh, crap! I still don't have a place to live.'

'Oh, dear lord,' groaned Sheldon irritably. 'What have we just been talking about? You will stay _here_.'

'Sheldon, I can't sleep on your couch for...' She was trying to do the math quickly. It had taken her six months to save for the deposit on her apartment making waitressing money. She'd probably be able to make a decent downpayment within... 'three months!'

He nodded thoughtfully. 'I understand your concern. The couch does provide poor lumbar support. But easily remedied. As you are considered _my_ guest, I shall offer you my bedroom.'

A fresh wave of tears threatened to fall. People weren't allowed in his bedroom but here he was giving it to her! 'That's so sweet but I can't let you sleep on the couch!'

He flashed a smile. 'Once again your concern is moot for I will not be sleeping on the couch.'

She waited for him to elaborate. He didn't. Did he mean...

Apparently Howard was thinking along the same lines as her. She vowed to convert to catholocism just so she go to confession and get some help with that. 'Whoa, you mean you're inviting her to sleep in your bed with you?' He waggled his eyebrows.

'Don't be absurd, Howard,' scoffed Sheldon. 'I'll take Leonard's room.'

'Whoa, wait a minute!' Leonard sputtered a little angrily. 'You can't kick me out of my own room.'

'Yeah, Sheldon!' Penny jumped in. 'I don't want to force Leonard to sleep on the couch!' She threw Leonard an apologetic smile.

'As you wish.' Sheldon nodded again. He turned to Leonard. 'In that case, I am enacting Clause 209.'

Leonard choked out a sound while his brain worked to remember what Clause 209 was. A whole mess of emotions flitted across his face before settling on anger. 'Sheldon, you can't do that!'

Sheldon eyed him condescendingly but said nothing.

'Wait, wait, wait,' Penny cut in just before Leonard could blow up. 'What's Clause 209?'

She'd asked Sheldon, but Leonard was the one who answered. 'Clause 209 states that Sheldon and I are both free to nullify the roommate agreement. Since his name is the only one on the lease, he's essentially kicking me out.'

'Sheldon!' Penny scolded the taller physicist. 'Why would you kick Leonard out onto the street?'

Sheldon scoffed. 'I am hardly kicking him out onto the street. The adendum in Clause 209 dictates that I give him at least a thirty day notice. I should also add that while neither Leonard nor myself were able to independently afford rent at the time of the initial agreement, we have since gained substantial increase in income. Leonard has both the time and the means to find a new place.' His eyes flicked past Penny onto Leonard. 'I have it on good authority that the apartment across the hall will soon be available.'

How the hell could he be so sweet and at the same time be so horrible? Poor Leonard. Though she had to admit she was touched that Sheldon would kick him out at her mere suggestion. 'Sweetie,' she tried. 'I didn't mean-'

'...now, hold on,' came Leonard's voice, sounding distracted. 'My own place? I could whistle, set the thermostat where I want it . . .' a slow smile spread across his face. 'I could eat whatever I wanted for breakfast regardless of the day . . .' His eyes met her and his grin turned evil. 'Have fun.'

Penny felt a tap on her shoulder. She turned to Sheldon. He assured her, 'Don't worry; you won't be held to the same roommate agreement as Leonard's was. Ours will be rewritten from the beginning.'

She'd missed something. She thought she was just staying temporarily. 'Wait, are you saying you want me to move in with you?'

'I said no such thing, Penny. I am suggesting that it would be beneficial to you. Your portion of the rent would be less than what you were paying on your own, which is about average here in Pasadena.' He smiled slightly. 'Though, I must admit I suspect you will be a far superior roommate than Leonard.'

'Aw!' She cooed and gave into the urge to give him another hug. 'You really mean that?'

'Would I say it if I didn't?'

She smiled up at him. 'But you always say I'm messy!'

He blinked. 'Because you are.'

'And that doesn't bother you?'

'It does,' Sheldon drawled. 'That's why I point it out.'

She was confused. 'But you do realize I'm not going to change overnight.'

His eyes rolled again. 'Of course not. I will make sure the apartment stays clean.'

'Hold on,' said Leonard. But he wasn't talking to them; he was on the phone. Then to her, he said, 'He likes to clean. He actually insisted it be put into the contract. I had to haggle for about three days to get him to leave my room alone. Something about how nobody cleans to his standards anyway. Sorry about that.' The last sentence he said into the phone.

'Furthermore,' Sheldon brought her attention back to him. 'You are not dirty, unlike _somebody_ who has a habit of leaving food out.' He shot a glare in Leonard's direction. 'I am of course referring to Leonard.'

'I get that, sweetie.'

He smiled, pleased.

She wasn't sure what to say.

There was a soft beep. 'You might as well take him up on it,' Leonard said, coming back over to them with a shit-eating grin on his face. 'Because that was the landlord. You're looking at the next tenant of 4B.'

But live with Sheldon? She studied him. With any other guy, asking her to move in was a huge step in their relationship, a commitment. But Sheldon didn't see how it could be construed any other way than of friendship, she knew that. And he probably just didn't want her to leave.

And she really didn't want to leave, either. She didn't want to go back to Nebraska with her tail between her legs and admit defeat. Hell, she hadn't even told her parents she was moving back. She'd just said she was coming to visit. She'd figured she'd find a way to tell them when she got there.

She didn't want to give up on her dream, and now Sheldon had given her a better chance at achieving it! She also didn't want to leave her friends, the nerds she'd grown to love so dearly.

'OK,' she said, firmly. 'But you realize I'm not just going to knuckle under, right?'

He nodded curtly. 'Understood.'

'And I sometimes get to choose what to watch on TV, just as much as you do.'

A small twitch. 'Agreed.'

'And I'm not your personal chauffer. I'm not responsible for taking you wherever you want to go.

'Penny,' he whined.

She shook her head. 'Nuh-uh. I'll take you sometimes, Sweetie, but otherwise you have to take the bus, or walk, or learn to drive.'

'But-'

' _Sheldon.'_

He huffed and made a squeak of protest. Under her quelling look, though, he begrudgingly relented. 'Oh, alright.'

She smiled, beamed practically. And once again, pulled him into a tight hug.

Howard leaned over to Raj and mumbled, 'Looks like _she_ won't be the one knuckling under.'

* * *

 **A/N:** That's all for now! Read and review, please.


	2. Chapter 2

_**A/N:** Confession time. When I said I wasn't sure if I was going to continue this story, it wasn't because I didn't know where to go with it. I kind of had this little tickle of an idea of subsequent chapters beyond the initial one. The ideas were only 30% formed, not even written down. I felt I had a really strong story as-is and I wasn't sure if a continuation would improve it, at all. Some things do work better as one-shots. I'd rather have one short story that was good than a longer story that started strong and weakened from there (kind of like how TBBT is going, unfortunately). _

_I worked on it, though, and started hammering it out. That's why it's taken me so long. I dismissed a lot of ideas before deciding on the right path._

 _This chapter was going to be something totally different. It was actually only going to be a small scene before the larger one, but once I started writing it, it grew. I didn't want to make this chapter obscenely long, so it will be broken up._

 **Disclaimer:** If I actually made money off my fanfictions, I'd . . . well, I'd still be poor. Just _less_ poor than I am now. So obviously I don't own jack diddly. ** FUN FACT: **You guys know the disclaimer doesn't actually do anything, right? Legally, I mean. If the creators want to force us to take our stories off, the disclaimer doesn't protect us one iota. Fanfiction is loosely protected under fair use but there's some controversy there. This can be considered derivative, and it doesn't matter that nobody believes we are the original creators. It probably won't happen, though, since nobody is making money. And it is a lot of trouble for little gain.

* * *

'Hey, Bestie!'

Penny put on a bright smile and held the door open. 'Hi, Amy. Thanks for doing this for me, I really appreciate it.'

Amy breezed through the door past her, deftly swinging her messenger bag over her shoulder. 'While I do not possess a substantial education in tort law, I have been sued three times.'

 _Wha..._ Penny gave her head a tiny jerk as she tried to understand the leap. Also why Amy was sued not once but _three_ times.

When Penny first met Amy, she thought Sheldon had somehow managed to clone himself. As time went on, however, she realized Amy was almost the direct opposite of Sheldon. Where Sheldon resented doing normal social things, or anything emotional, instead remaining comfortable with science and seriousness, Amy wanted to break out and experience all those normal things.

For all her weirdness, Amy was the most normal of all the nerds. Not just for wanting normalcy, but because she could actually attain it. She was awkward as hell but she had a keen understanding of those around her. Perhaps it was her neurobiologist career or something else. Either way, she was able to pick up on both questions Penny was silently forming in her mind.

'I have come to find out that the field of neurobiology is fraught with controversy,' Amy explained, taking a seat on the couch with her hands primly on her knees. 'I had not known that when choosing to advance my career in the area, but it appears that neurobiology is the Bender to science's Breakfast Club.'

Penny lowered herself beside her. 'You were sued for your work?'

'Three times,' confirmed Amy cheerily. 'The first was because the brain I was dissecting belonged to a man who had donated his body to the pursuit of research without informing his family. They attempted to claim he was not in his right mind—' she chuckled to herself at her little morbid joke. '—when he signed his body over. They sued the entire university, myself included.'

'And that happened two more times?'

Amy shook her head. 'Nah. Not to me, at any rate. The second time was from my landlord. I had brought a Rhesus monkey who I'd gotten addicted to marijuana so that I could later study the long term effects of the drug on the brain.' She leaned forward and lowered her voice conspiratorially. 'I may or may not have gotten what is colloquially referred to as a "contact high" from that incident.' She grinned at Penny, obviously proud of this little foray into badass-dom. 'When I slept that night, the monkey managed to get out of my apartment and smear a psychedelic artwork on the wallpaper using his feces.'

Penny wrinkled her nose. _Ew._

'Needless to say, I did not get my safety deposit back. I was sued a third time by my colleague, Dr. Erin Montgomery.'

Penny sat forward, hoping for a juicy bit. 'What happened?'

Amy puffed up at her interest. 'She claimed I had somehow sabotaged her study.' She stopped there, done with her story.

'...did you?' Penny pressed impatiently.

All Amy said was, 'I'm legally not allowed to confirm nor deny.' But her mischievous grin gave her away. Penny grinned back. 'Now, Bestie,' Amy started, and reached inter her bag. She withdrew a legal pad and a pen, which she clicked. 'We need to begin by compiling a list of what hard points and soft points. Hard points being things on which you absolutely will not budge, and soft points being matters on which you are more flexible.'

Penny had not intended to be best friends with Amy, especially considering Amy had awarded her the title after only meeting each other a few times. But she'd grown to appreciate Amy, and love her for all her weirdness. And while she was obviously completely unused to being anyone's best friend, Amy did a damn good job of it.

Penny truly cherished her as a friend. She had to make sure she wasn't about to lose her. 'Amy . . . are you sure you're OK with this? With me moving in with Sheldon?'

Amy stared at her, uncomprehending. 'Why would I have a problem with my bestie _not_ leaving me and two of my favorite people living together?'

 _Oh, dear lord._ Amy was just too innocent sometimes. 'I don't know . . . I mean, I would have a problem with my boyfriend living with another woman.'

The brunette's eyebrows lowered and she blinked. She looked hurt. 'When did you get a boyfriend? Why didn't you tell me?'

It was Penny's turn to blink. 'I . . . what? No, I wasn't . . . I don't have a boyfriend. I was talking about _yours._ About Sheldon. Doesn't bother you that he's living with another woman?'

Amy studied Penny like she was one of her damn Rhesus monkeys. 'Sheldon isn't my boyfriend, though?'

'What?' Oh, no! Penny reeled in horror. She'd been relying on Amy about her initial move to Nebraska, and now her move into the boys' apartment— _her_ apartment, she supposed. She had completely neglected to see how Amy was doing. She'd failed to notice her own turmoil. 'Sweetie, I'm so sorry! What happened? Are you OK?'

Amy paused for a second. When her eyes met Penny's again, they were apologetic. 'I do apologize, Penny. I neglected to allow you your right to console me through my time of heartbreak, and perhaps remind me how awful Sheldon is and how much better off I am without him.' She sighed. 'It did not occur to me then and I only realize in hindsight how foolish I was to not consider you.'

'Oh, no.' Penny reached out and put her hand on Amy's. 'Sweetie, of course you didn't think of me! You had other things on your mind!'

As if Penny was the one who needed consoling, Amy patted her hand. 'Your beauty is only outdone by your kindness. I must apologize again because I do not really have any "dirty deets" as they are so called.'

'Well, what happened?'

Amy shrugged. 'If you are asking who broke up with whom, I suppose I was the one who initiated the dissolution of our romantic relationship. I'd had my suspicions for quite a while but I suppose I preferred to ignore the signs and give it all a more positive spin.'

'Oh my god!' Penny gasped and got to her feet. 'He _cheated_ on you?' She glowered at her door, as if she could see Sheldon through it and blow up his head. 'That rat bastard! I'll kill him!'

Amy's hand was on her wrist. 'No need to commit murder, Bestie, though I am honored that you would kill for me. Sheldon didn't cheat on me.'

Penny sat down slowly, hesitantly, still ready to leap up and put her hands around his scrawny neck if necessary. 'Then what did he do?'

'Nothing. That was the issue. Sheldon has always been very obstinate when it came to physical contact, you know and I realized it wasn't going to change any time soon.'

Penny knew. Well, she didn't know what 'obstinate' meant exactly, but she got the gist. 'Oh, honey. Amy, he just needs time. He's always been weird about touching.'

Amy's smile was tinged with sadness. 'That's what I believed for a long time. What I had been failing to acknowledge was that his declination was only partially due to his, as you say, "weirdness" with touching. We had reached a plateau and his stagnation confirmed what I had been denying. I was not inspiring him to proceed any further.'

Penny squinted, going through a mental thesaurus to try to decipher what Amy had said. 'Are you saying you don't think you're pretty enough?' She was careful on the wording, both in case she was wrong and so as not to hurt Amy's feelings further. When Amy's grin tightened, Penny reached out and gave her hand a squeeze. 'Oh, honey, I'm sure that's not true! You're very pre-'

Amy held up a hand. 'I understand what you're doing, Bestie, and I appreciate it. But you don't need to bother. I don't take it personally.'

'Don't take it personally?' shrieked Penny, squeaking on the last word. 'How do you not take it personally?'

'Penny...' she paused, choosing her words. 'When humans seek out a mate, we do not do all of it consciously. We subconsciously seek out mates whose biology is different but complementary. Our pheromones both call to one another and push one another away. It is why we are not attracted to our biological kin, siblings and whatnot.'

'Ew! What does incest have to do with Sheldon?' She pictured Missy and immediately shuddered at that thought.

'Nothing. Though I suppose it is possible he sees us as too similar. My point is, who we seek out is largely out of our control. Just as I don't find, say, Howard attractive, I don't, as they say, get Sheldon's motor purring.'

At times like this, Penny wished she could be more like Amy. When she was in high school and Jack Pennington told her she just wasn't his type, she got so mad that she jabbed her pocketknife into one of his truck tires. She would've slashed the rest of the tires if the blade hadn't snapped off in the first tire. If she had been like Amy, she wouldn't have spent the night sobbing into her Ben & Jerry's pint. She probably would've also realized by 'not his type', Jack meant he prefered men.

'Do you want to talk about it?' she asked Amy, now.

'While I did find myself illogically hurt by my own revelation and our subsequent disillusion of our relationship contract, the "mourning period" lasted less than a month.' Amy looked up in thought. 'Incidentally, Penny, what is the socially-accepted refractory period before one can reenter the dating scene without being seen as a heartless slut?' When Penny just sort of squeaked again, Amy took another route. 'Is six months acceptable?'

Penny finally found her voice. ' _Six months?!_ You two broke up _six months_ ago?! Why didn't you tell me?'

'The subject never came up.'

Her mouth opened and closed a bit like a fish.. 'When I asked you "what's up" . . . _that's what's up!'_

Amy regarded her quietly for long enough that Penny worried she wasn't going to respond. Then she said, quietly, 'I belatedly realize I was wrong to withhold the information from you. It is your right as my bestie to engage me in a good solid round of Sheldon-bashing.' Then, in a completely un-Amy-like fashion, her gaze dropped to her knees. She fiddled with her hem, distractedly.

'Amy?' Penny prompted.

'Truth be told, Penny, I was uncertain of your loyalties.'

Penny blinked at her, at once shocked but a little hurt. Was she really accusing her of being untrustworthy?

Amy's eyes widened as if she'd read Penny's mind. I apologize; I misspoke. I did not mean to imply that you have betrayed me, nor do I foresee an instance when you would. You are my bestie, I do not doubt that.

'There is, however, the incontrovertible fact that Sheldon was your friend long before you met me. While I am sure that your innate morals would compel you to adhere to that rule, the inherent conflict of interest might weigh on your conscious.'

It took a few heartbeats for Penny to internally translate Amy's words into normal-speak and when she finally did, she almost wanted to cry. God, weird as Amy was, she was a real sweetheart. 'Are you saying you didn't want to make me choose?'

'Yes.'

She hugged the neurobiologist around the shoulders. Amy stiffened for a second, then Penny felt her whole body sigh. When Penny sat back, Amy was smiling. 'We can attempt to remedy that by going hard at Sheldon and getting you what you want! Did you prepare like I asked?'

'Yes!' Penny grabbed the notebook off the coffee table. 'There's a list of everything I want and things I refuse to do.'

Amy silently flipped through. 'You only have four pages here?'

'That's all I could think of.' Penny shrugged. 'You think it isn't enough?'

'Well, Sheldon will have a lot more stipulations. Our relationship agreement had 73 sections.'

'Seventy- _three_? God, what could possibly go in there?'

It was Amy's turn to shrug. 'He likes to cover the bases. That said, this is a very good start. We will call this your firm demands, the things we absolutely must not have. Now, you and I will work out a list of soft demands. These are going to be the things where you lean toward neutral. We will present these the same as we do the hard points and use them as bargaining chips of a sort. This way, we will offer to "give up" these demands in exchange for the ones you really want.'

'So, kind of like when you're buying Jimmy Choos off Craigslist and the chick wants to charge you $400 and you keep pointing out scuffs or some wear on the bottom and you don't care but you act like you do so you only have to pay $150?'

'Yes.'

Penny smiled. Oh, she knew asking Amy for help was a good idea. 'Oh, that's smart! How do you know all this stuff?'

'When I went to college my mom worried I'd work too hard so she encouraged me to take some "just for fun" classes.'

'...and so you went to law school?' Once again Penny was hit with just how smart her friend's were. From Sheldon's idea of learning a trade being med school, and now Amy's idea of fun classes.

Amy jerked one shoulder in a shrug. 'Hardly. I only took a handful of classes to satisfy my mother.'

'Oh.' Penny wasn't sure where to go with that. She actually went to college intending to major in criminal justice. She'd seen Legally Blonde and had fallen in love. But, she quickly learned that Elle Woods was wrong: it _was_ hard! 'So what else do we do?'

'We'll try to anticipate the points Sheldon will bring up. I brought my copy of the relationship agreement to give us some idea of what to expect. Even if you do not have any preferences on the subject, it would be unwise not to prepare. We would have firmer footing if we weren't caught completely unaware. Between the two of us, I am confident we can draw up a pretty good prediction.'

'What if we don't think of everything?' Leonard had once told Penny that their roommate agreement covered alien invasions and zombie apocalypses, stuff normal people wouldn't even consider.

'As your acting counsel, I shall act in your best interests. Close as we are, I will be able to deduce your best interests on the fly. That said, you do bring up a good point, Bestie. Should Sheldon bring up anything to which you do not agree, you should give me some sort of signal. Perhaps, rubbing your nose.'

Penny's aforementioned nose wrinkled. 'Isn't that too . . . cliche? Won't he see right through it?'

Amy shot her a level look. 'It's Sheldon,' she deadpanned.

'Oh yeah, good point.'

* * *

A/N: So I looked up Jimmy Choos to see how much they are and oh, my god you guys they are $600 minimum. And here I scoff at paying over $40 for some Adidas.

Btw, no beta so all mistakes are mine.

Read and review! It's how I learn.


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